


Distractions Are Best Not Made

by Happylittleaddict, ShyChangling



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Gen, Sex Pollen, but no smut, fantasty au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-31
Updated: 2018-07-31
Packaged: 2019-06-19 15:21:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15512742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Happylittleaddict/pseuds/Happylittleaddict, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShyChangling/pseuds/ShyChangling
Summary: The Land of Chorus is full of strange magical things. Best avoid the plants. Magic like to play pranks and make them do wild things.





	Distractions Are Best Not Made

**Author's Note:**

> So part of a fantasy AU. Was working on background stuff with this with my partner and this ended up an entertaining read. So why not publish it.

It seemed like a regular scouting routine. Simply follow Tucker and point out when anything strange made itself known. There hadn't been much activity in this area but Felix had stated he'd seen things in the vicinity.

Palomo trots behind his Captain like the eager puppy he was. Ready to please. "You think we'll find any Feds? They don't seem the type to hang out in the forest. Too prissy." He pauses. "No, Locus might. He's not afraid to get dirty in the forest."

“I doubt we will find any Feds. Unless they are trying to get up to something sketchy. Which I only partially doubt.” Tucker said to Palomo glancing back at him. It really drove him crazy how far up his ass this kid was, like seriously the kid was always so eager to please but he needed to work on his focus. Everytime he would start learning something new he would walk away if he wasn’t immediately good at it or he half assed things if he didn’t think he was any good at them. They really needed to work on that but they didn’t really have the time to do that. Not on top of regular duties and the already intense training they were having to do for the group just so they would have passable soldiers.

Ah there's that tone again, Palomo notes. That tone that says Tucker is not too pleased. At him most likely. Palomo knows he's not particually a good soldier. People have told him that for years. He slows his feet and tries forcing himself to keep up. That colour in the side of his eyes catching his glance. "That's true, oh maybe there's wolves out here." 

He slows to a stop and stares up at a large belled flower drooping over him. Little flowers at the base. He kneels down and plucks a small flower and puts it into his pouch. "Check this out, Tucker! I've never seen a flower so big!"

Tucker looked back and drug Palomo away from it by the back of his shirt. “Dude don’t fuck with plants you don’t know about. Weird shit can happen.” He snapped at him, he hadnt intended for his tone to be so harsh but thats how it ended up coming out.

Palomo tenses up as he's dragged off. He gets to his feet quickly, feeling like he'd done more harm then intended. It was just flowers. There's nothing dangerous about that right. "I don't see how a flower can hurt me." As far as Palomo was concerned, the plant had intaken magic to grow so large. "I doubt it can kill me. Its not like its a venus flytrap. The vore of horror." He giggles.

“Thats not the only way plants can harm people or do weird things Palomo.” Tucker huffed and crossed his arms. “Could have hallucinogenic pollen, could be enchanted, could be something fairies have been messing with or created. Just dont mess with flora you don’t know about until you learn about it.”

Palomo hugs his arms around himself. "Oh well yeah. I suppose that's true." Palomo wonders about the smaller flower he picked in his pouch. He fumbles around in it. "I should probably not carry around this then right?"

“God damn it Palomo! No you shouldn’t!” Tucker pinched the bridge of his nose taking a deep breath. Kid was gonna get himself killed if he kept doing shit like that.

Palomo holds an awkward smile a moment. He was going to give his Captain an attack of some sorts. But Charlie couldn't help it. Things just catch his eyes, he likes pretty things. He aims and throws it. Only since its a flower it only goes as far as his hand reaches. Air sprinkled with pollen. And the plant falls to the floor. Palomo sneezes out. 

Tucker stares at him for a moment. Was this karma for the shit he put Wash and Church through? Cause if it was karma really was a fucking bitch.

Palomo stands there a moment and turns over to Tucker. He dances his eyes around trying to think of something to say. "I uh. I'm not going to die right?"

“How the fuck should I know?! I don’t know shit about plants thats Donuts thing!” Tucker said and started heading back to camp. “Come on lets go make sure that shit wont kill you.” He huffed a bit pushing his locs out of his face.

Palomo shuffles his feet before hurrying behind him. He keeps pace but Tucker must be seriously mad as he faster then before. Palomo thinks he'll need to do something better after this. He doesn't blame Tucker for being angry. He did just do something stupid as possibly dangerous. Something in his stomach turns at the thought of being punished. He hopes he's not, but it feels exciting. Palomo shakes that off. That's a strange thought.

Tucker wasn’t particularly angry at the moment but he was concerned and wanted to get back to camp as soon as possible. “Come on Palomo keep up.” He said to him.

Palomo hurries his feet before starting to falter. He wobbles and then keeps moving like he normally would. "Yes sir!" He trots behind him. Kimball won't be too happy that this outing is cut short but maybe if they explained things to Felix and he explained. That would work. He feels dizzy amoment and his face feels warm. He hopes its not an allergy.

Tucker looked back at him “how are you feeling?” He asked him cocking his head a bit. He seriously wished he had paid attention to Donut when he talked about plants and shit.

"I don't know. I feel warm and dizzy and my stomach is a mess." Palomo hurries forward stumbling once and stands straight while next to him. Hold it off, you can admit to feeling strange no shame in that. "I feel empty kind of."

“Empty?” He asked his brow was already a bit furrowed from the other symptoms. Could be some kind of poison effect or something. Why did he have so go and mess with things he couldn’t identify?!

"Like I need something but I don't know what I need," Palomo lowers his head that odd pit in his stomach turning over. "Like hungry, but not for food." He can't really pin this feeling. But it feels stupid and horrible and its going to drive him nuts. Like an anxious feeling. But affection sounds so good at this moment too. He hated it. Confusing mess.

Tucker stopped a moment and blinked. “Oh god fucking damn it.” He muttered and started walking again. Of all effects to be getting he had to find the one that gave those ones.

Palomo eyes widen. "Am I dying!" He panics and hugs himself. "I don't want to die, Tucker. I never got to apologize to Jensen!" He hurries behind and tumbles over. He curls feeling tingly.

“No, Palomo your not dying!” Tucker snapped turning on his heels. “Just... going to get uncomfortable and feel awkward soon.” He said forcing his tone to be softer.

"I fucked up bad didn't I?" he lays on the ground a moment before getting back to his feet. "How awkward am I going to feel?" Palomo already feels weird, his breathing elevates and he wants so badly for someone to hold him. But not in the usual way to be held. This is different. And then it clicks. "I don't want to feel like this, Captain."

“Well thats what happens when you mess with shit you can’t identify.” Tucker sighed a bit, he did feel sympathy for him but he did mess with stuff he didn’t know the effects of so he sorta brought it on himself. “It’s not going to kill you at least....”

Palomo wraps around himself. "You know sexual things, this can't last for ever right!" He holds some hope. But he feels worse and like he'll die without something. He wants to lay down, but he keeps his feet up.

“It shouldn’t last forever but it will feel like it.” He said and sighed, “come on. We are almost back to camp and then you can go do whatever you need to.”

"I want a cold bath and then never leave my room," Palomo says hyperbolically. He knows he's over reacting but it really does make him feel awful. "I'd rather not do anything weird because a plant made me, thank you." Maybe he can turn it into a joke. Like all his other blunders.

Tucker rolled his eyes and shook his head snorting a bit. “You’ll manage.” He said to him.

"Don't um," Palomo hurries over leaning slightly over himself. "You promise not to tell anyone I got messed up by a sex plant right... No one that doesn't have to know anyway." He knows Tucker will have to warn Kimball of the plant that way. But he hopes his friends don't find out, the teasing would be horrible.

Tucker looked at him. “I wont tell anyone I don’t have to.” He said to him, at least not anytime soon.

"Thanks." Palomo will be sure to dunk himself in something cold. He heard that's a good way to deal with unwanted sexual feelings.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't entirely know if this is a good deconstruction of the Sex Pollen trope but if you made it this far I hope you enjoyed the take on the trope!


End file.
